


Worse than His Bite

by SeeWithMyOwnEyes



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Anxiety Disorder, Bisexual Markus (Detroit: Become Human), Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Gay Simon (Detroit: Become Human), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Markus Loves Simon (Detroit: Become Human), Medical Experimentation, Near Death Experiences, Protective Markus (Detroit: Become Human), Simon (Detroit: Become Human)-centric, Simon Needs a Hug (Detroit: Become Human), Simon-centric, Soft Markus (Detroit: Become Human), Werewolf Culture, Werewolf Turning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:15:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29160285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeeWithMyOwnEyes/pseuds/SeeWithMyOwnEyes
Summary: Running a werewolf shelter is all fun and games until someone gets bitten.Big Bang Art illustrated by the lovely and talented Jillybeanjoy at:https://deviant-sasshole.tumblr.com/post/642035246704082944/my-art-pieces-for-the-detroit-become-human-au-big
Relationships: Markus/Simon (Detroit: Become Human)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12
Collections: DBH AU Big Bang 2020





	1. Camping

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jillybeanjoy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jillybeanjoy/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Markus set up camp.

Simon would have been lying to say he liked this line of work. When he was little he pictured himself as a lot of things. A teacher, a pediatrician, an illustrator, a baker… Working in a non-profit sector was on that list too, sure, but only Markus would’ve asked him to help start a non-profit like this. 

Rehabilitating disaffected werewolves. _Seriously_. It was one thing to advocate for werewolves who had maintained their humanity and chose to continue their lives within society, but… Werewolves who had formed their own communities after they’d turned…? Who’d embraced their wolf-side, even creating methods to perpetuate it so that they could live in the wild, hunting and killing, relishing the warm blood of small animals against their fangs…? Those people terrified Simon. How could they live like this, spending their lives so violently…? They’d even become territorial, maiming one another to gain more land for the little gangs they’d formed. 

But Markus didn’t see people for what they were; he saw them for what they could be. To him, these were people who felt cast aside, people who just needed the right love and support so they could return to the lives they’d once had. But the rehabilitation process was an uphill battle. Though Simon offered help applying to local universities and finding entry-level jobs around town, and Markus worked on the affordable housing end, so far, only about five werewolves had chosen to come with them. Markus had said that was great progress, although Simon was skeptical. It had been six months of handing out fliers and posting in forums now, and their offers had been rejected far more often than they’d been accepted. 

Plus, now that they’d become more well-known, they’d begun to receive resistance from both humans and werewolves alike. Just last week, Simon had to paint over anti-werewolf graffiti that had been scrawled across the side of their house, and lately, whenever they’d go out to try and offer their services, he was sure he could hear quiet threats being growled at them from behind every bush and tree. He’d always been an anxious person, so Markus politely dismissed his concerns, but even so, he couldn’t shake the feeling that they really needed to stop before something terrible happened.

“Did you hear that…?”

Markus set down his tentpole to listen for a moment, before shaking his head. 

“Yeah, Si. It’s just the wind… Are you sure you don’t want to go home…? I’m sure Josh wouldn’t mind driving over to drop you off…”

Of course Simon wanted to go home! He’d made that very clear throughout the ride to the campsite! But he wanted to go home with Markus; he wanted them both to leave because he feared it was unsafe, but Markus was determined to try and gain some new recruits, and he refused to leave Markus alone here. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if Markus got hurt or worse all alone here, just because he’d been a coward and abandoned Markus to save himself. 

“I-it’s fine… I’m not leaving without you… Just… let’s be careful, okay…? I really don’t like the feel of this place…” 

“It’ll be fine… We’ve been here before, and we know the way back… Still… that doesn’t make pitching this damn thing any easier… Pass me a hammer, would you…?”

Simon tried to push aside his own anxieties as he helped Markus set up camp. This could have actually been fun if they’d come up here with Markus just for camping’s sake. He’d been surprisingly fond of camping as a kid. North knew a great spot at a local park where they’d all roast marshmallows and tell scary stories by the campfire, and play manhunt until they saw the sun rise and Josh would tell them stories until they fell asleep.

He remembered that one time they’d wandered too far into the woods with just what they’d had in their backpacks, and he and Lucy had managed to ration their water and granola bars for days along with whatever berries Markus and Josh could find around them, until North managed to get a cell signal and call Markus’ dad for a ride home. They still went back the next month, even after that. The word “Jericho” was still carved into the tree where they’d set up camp that night, a symbolic gesture on North’s part to declare victory, to stake a claim in the nature that had failed to claim them. It was under Jericho where Simon and Markus had shared their first kiss. So camping was nice… At least under other circumstances… If he could only pretend they were here for fun… 

“Want me to get a fire going…?”

Simon blinked back at Markus, confused. He hadn’t realized they’d already finished setting up the tent. 

“Yeah… Sorry… Was just thinking… I brought some pans along with the hot dogs… I figured we could do better than just roasted weenies so I read up on some cooking hacks. Want some stir fry eau natural…?”

Markus laughed. 

“Sure, hit me up! Just let me get this lit…”

Simon wasn’t going to lie. It was incredibly attractive to see the dance of his freckles across Markus’ skin, with the shift of his muscles as he tried to get a spark going with his flint striker. So yeah, sparks were flying, figuratively before literally speaking. Simon was almost disappointed to see the kindling catch because it meant he’d have to pay more attention on cooking their dinner than on enjoying the view. Uncased hot dogs, fresh peppers, onions and snap-peas were good to eat, sure, but Simon could say with 100% certainty that Markus was a much better snacc. 

“Why does food always smell better cooked over an open fire…” Markus sat himself on the ground beside Simon.

“Maybe the fresh air…? I’m not sure… How far do you think the scent carries…? You don’t think anyone else will be able to trace it to here, do you…?”

Markus shrugged.

“So what if they can… I know you, and you’ve definitely brought enough food to share a meal if anyone comes along looking for a bite to eat…”

“I just… It’s part of being careful! Keeping your campsite hidden… For all we know, there could be a bear nearby and he could come and--“

“And what…? Try to steal our deconstructed hot dogs…?” 

Simon shook his head, slightly embarrassed at the absurdity when Markus put it like that. 

“Okay, well maybe not a bear… But what about a person, or a werewolf, or something! You know, we’ve never even seen a fully transformed werewolf before--not the ones on those transformation-enhancing drugs like they say in the paper! And what if they’re pissed that we’re here because the don’t like what we do, and what if there are lots of them, and they surround us, and we’re out in the middle of nowhere all defenseless because neither of us know how to fire a weapon, even if we’d have brought one in the first place, which we didn’t and--“

Markus placed a gentle hand on Simon’s shoulder. 

“No, Si… Really, you worry too much… Everything’s fine…”

“But we’ve been getting death threats in the mail! And then whoever defaced our house, and--“

“This isn’t our house, and there’s no mail out here, so if that’s what’s got you all riled up, then that’s all the more reason you’ve no need to be afraid right now… Besides… Remember what Connor told you…? The police looked into it, and chalked it up to some dumb school kids with too much free time on their hands, plus some paper, some stamps, and a can of paint… Nothing to be afraid of...”

Simon sighed in exasperation. He knew, in theory, that no one had actually committed an act of physical aggression towards them or their clients, but he didn’t like the idea that they’d somehow become so universally resented that even children were wishing them ill. They weren’t hurting anyone-- quite the opposite in fact; much as he disliked the work, he knew he and Markus were effectively saving lives… So it was… scary to be faced with such hostility for the pursuit of a simple goal. Sometimes Simon thought Markus had no sense of risk-aversion at all… 

It was painfully ironic how such a timid man as himself had fallen in love with the most headstrong guy he knew. Or maybe he enjoyed Markus’ bravery in the face of what he perceived to be danger… He did find Markus’ willingness to act incredibly attractive. The way Markus didn’t shy away from adversity, and pursued what he believed in… Right now, Simon supposed he just wished that the belief of which Markus was in pursuit wasn’t something as reckless as personally walking into werewolf territory to preach to them the benefits of reentering human civilization. 

“I think that looks ready, Simon… You should probably get it onto a plate before it burns…”

“R-right… Yeah… Let me just…”

Simon took the pan off the fire, and set up two bowls so they could eat. But while he patiently waited for his meal to cool, Markus rummaged through his pockets for a bottle of sriracha, and poured what Simon believed to be an ungodly amount all over his food, inhaling the mess at a speed that would concern even the hungriest shonen protagonist, somehow without spilling a single drop. 

“So I’m guessing it was a hit…?”

Markus smirked. 

“Testing your food on me first…?”

“No. Just waiting for it to cool. It’s not my fault you eat your food in one bite like some oddly sexy snake.”

“Sexy snake…? Is that some new thing you’re into that somehow slipped under my radar…?”

Markus playfully nudged Simon, blushing furiously into his hands. 

“N-no! Why would anyone find a snake sexy?!?”

“You’ve never seen those sexy snake-charmer costumes on Halloween…? I think I’d look good in one, don’t you…?”

Markus placed his hands behind his head, rolling his abdomen, as he circled Simon, hips first until he saw Simon go from flustered to completely mortified. 

“I love it when you get all worked up like that… The red in your cheeks really brings out your eyes…” Markus bent down and kissed the crown of Simon’s head as he returned to his seat. “...But seriously, c’mon, Si… Eat up… We’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow, so you’ll need some food in you…”

Right… Except he really wasn’t hungry. Much as Markus tried to make him smile with dumb little flirtations, the thought of all the ways they could be greviously injured made him feel sick. But if something bad were to happen while he was here, Markus was right that it’d be better to face it at full strength. So slowly, he pecked at his meal watching as the fire died down in front of him. 

“I… want to go inside…? Like inside the tent, I mean… We’re not doing anything until daybreak, right…?”

“Nope. Tonight’s just you and me… We can hop in the tent if you’d like. I brought my sketchbook, so we can draw a bit… Or maybe we can tell scary stories like we used to when we were dumb kids…”

”I think my head’s full of enough scary stories, thanks… But drawing could be nice…”

“You do realize there’s only one thing to be scared of here: that I’m definitely going to draw you while you sleep tonight. Because I will! Bed-head and all.”

Simon scowled, zipping the tent door behind them, as Markus ran for his backpack. 

“Want a pencil…? I packed extras… Although in hindsight, I probably didn’t need to. I bet I could use the charcoal from the fire just like the charcoal pencils I have back home! I might take some home with me to test the difference there! That could be fun!”

“Markus… It’s like half past nine, and we’ve spent half the day hiking to set up camp. How are you still so energetic that you want to collect fresh charcoal for some dumb experiment…?”

“I always get hyped up before a big project. But make room. Fun as that experiment might be, I do think it’d be more fun to join you in bed for now…”

Simon rolled himself into the side of the sleeping bag, allowing Markus ample room to slip in and join him. As soon as Markus had situated himself, Simon rolled back over towards him, snuggling up against his chest. He knew it was irrational, but, resting like this, his arm around Markus… It felt like a little protective bubble. Like inside the tent, with Markus right there, everything was okay, and nothing bad could slip in and hurt them. He could hear Markus’ heart beating… It was gentle. 

“Any art requests, Si…?”

“Draw something happy… Maybe draw… a puppy. A happy puppy doing something cute!” 

Markus smirked. Simon always asked for soft stuff like that. At least a third of his sketchbook was full of doodles of kittens and flowers, and nature scenes one might expect to see in the background of motivational posters on the walls of a doctor’s office. But even if he was more into still lifes and expressionist doodles, it did make him smile to see them, and think of Simon whenever he flipped through the book to find his page. 

“How about a golden retriever… They actually smile, y’know…? Super cute, especially as overly fluffy puppies… Oh! And did you know they go through an awkward phase, like a lanky teenage type thing…? Where their legs are a little too long and spindly and their paws are oversized, but they still have puppy faces, but a little less floof. We should get a golden retriever… No, wait, a golden doodle! Yes! Simon, can we…?”

“Do not make me say no to that! You know I want a dog as much as you do! But you can’t take a puppy on trips into the woods to look for werewolves!”

“That… actually sounds like something it would be great to bring a dog for. Dogs love the outdoors. So many trees means so many sticks, so they could play fetch, and maybe they’d get along with the werewolves… They’re kinda like wolves, and no one could ever dislike a puppy…” 

“Or they could get maimed, or lost, or eaten, or--“

Markus hugged Simon in closer, until Simon cut himself off. 

“They would be fine. Maybe too cute though. So cute no one would be able to get any work done, because how can you get any work done when there’s a puppy to be pet?”

“You’re cute, and I still get work done… Although, in fairness, I don’t think a puppy could fit in the sleeping bag with us…”

“Oooh! That’s what I’m going to draw!” 

Simon smiled. The moment Markus would set his pencil to paper, he would fall completely into his art. Aside from the scratch of the pencil and the drone of the cicadas, the tent was silent. Warm and cozy, feeling loved and slightly calmer, Simon quickly nodded off. 


	2. Naivety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Markus did not anticipate this.

A cold breeze made Simon curl uncomfortably into himself in an attempt to maintain the warmth he’d had when he was sleeping. It was the chill that had woken him, but he didn’t understand why, until he processed that it had started at his side. His side was colder… Like the warmth was gone… Like _Markus_ was gone. _Shit_! Simon forced himself from the sleeping bag and scrambled outside his tent in the hopes that he’d be able to catch Markus before he’d wandered out of view. He couldn’t call for Markus. Someone might hear it, and come for them. So he just had hope he’d find--

“Markus!”

“Simon…? What are you doing up, love…?”

“You left me…?”

Markus shook his head. 

“You were sleeping, and I knew how worried you were, so I figured I’d get a head start and let you rest. I’m sorry I must have woken you when I left…”

“Markus, I was--no-- I am worried, but I’d be worried worse to think you’d go out without me! Wait a minute. Just let me take my medicine and grab my backpack, I’ll be right back out to join you…”

Markus huffed a wordless agreement, taking in his surroundings as he waited for Simon to return. He knew what Simon was afraid of, but he didn’t understand it… Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He knew Simon had always been an anxious person--since they were little, it’d just been how he was--, and it was clear why the sudden harassment they’d received around their work had exacerbated his anxiety, but Markus just didn’t understand… The harassment had come primarily from humans, so the werewolves here likely wouldn’t bother them. Plus, if they made their intentions clear, the werewolves would know that they posed no threat, and leave them alone for the most part. It was safe to go camping, and it was safe to make new friends… He just wished Simon could see it like that. 

Simon quickly scampered back to Markus, unfurling his map of the area so they’d know where to go. Right now, they were at the edge of neutral territory, but they’d have to walk through Zone 1 and Zone 2 if they wanted to reach the Center, the one hill where all Zones met. That would be their best chance at recruiting as many people as possible, and from what he understood, it was only roughly three miles west of their campgrounds. 

“Daniel was from Zone 3 before we met him… Do you remember if he said anything about traveling to the Center…?”

Simon grimaced. 

“He was camping near Zone 1 when he was attacked. He managed to get one guy with his rifle, but the others chased him up a tree. Took a few bites before he finally fell, and woke up in 3’s land. I think I remember him saying something about a war between those two… If Zone 1 was the aggressor, we should probably be extra careful until we get deep into 2… I-I don’t think--“

Markus took Simon’s hand. 

“We will be fine, Si. That was a misunderstanding. The guys from Zone 1 must’ve seen the gun and felt threatened. We’re entirely unarmed. We come in peace, so they’ve no reason to harm us. Please, try to trust me that it’s okay…”

Markus’ reassurances fell on deaf ears. It took two painfully paranoid hours until they’d finally reached the edge of Zone 1 territory, at least from what Simon could tell by the map, but even then, they still had a good mile and a half to go through Zone 2 until they reached the Center. Simon was still almost holding his breath in an attempt to keep as quiet as possible and avoid drawing unwanted attention. He knew Markus didn’t like the silence, but he honestly didn’t care. So long as they were safe, that was all that mattered. 

The sudden crunch of dry leaves coming from the brush nearby made Simon tense into Markus, but paralyzed with fear, he couldn’t express to Markus that he thought they should leave. There was something out there, he was sure of it! It might have been watching them, following them, even, and it would tear them apart, and--

“Hello…? Is anybody there…? My name’s Markus. I’m here to make friends!”

Simon cursed his boyfriend’s stupidity. This was the kind of shit that got people killed in horror movies! Screaming hello to a creepy sound in the middle of nowhere was basically begging to be skinned alive and worn as a suit by whatever crazy backwoods cannibals were lurking around nearby. Like a bat-signal for murderers! 

“Hello...? I thought I heard someone…? Wanna talk…?”

“Markus! Shut up, and run!” Simon hissed. 

He’d have physically dragged Markus away if he could have, but his legs had traitorously turned to jelly beneath him. So Markus continued to stand there, recklessly awaiting a response from whatever murder-y thing had been watching, waiting to pounce. The rustling grew louder, and Simon whimpered as something seemed to be coming through the bushes. He’d… never seen anything like it before… Eyes glowing yellow, its wiry fur was pitch black and patchy, as if something had scratched it away in places, revealing a heavily muscled, almost human-like skin. Its lupine snout was long and angular, lips pushed back to reveal gums and fangs larger than the Swiss Army knife he kept in his pocket. Its nose was wrinkled in a violent display of disgust, but worst of all, though it didn’t appear wounded, as it stepped forward, exposing more of its body, it became clear that, despite no signs of injury, patches of its fur were covered in fresh blood. It didn’t take a wild guess for Simon to conclude that the blood hadn’t belonged to the creature, as it stalked its way towards them.

“ _M-markus_!” Simon whined, unable to think to find the words to beg him to leave. 

“Hello, friend… You’re… bleeding… Are you hurt…? I have a first-aid kit in my backpack. Maybe I can help… Hold on… Let me just…”

Markus set his backpack onto the ground, rummaging through the supplies he’d packed as the wolf continued to edge closer. Simon had seen that look in nature documentaries. This wasn’t an injured person timidly approaching a stranger for help… No. This was an animal skulking up to its prey. And all at once, he saw it lean back on its hind legs and pounce. 

_Markus was in danger._

The knowledge pierced through Simon’s heart like a harpoon, the need to protect his love like a tug on the line, yanking him forward, so that he found himself barreling into the wolf. 

_Fire_.

His chest was on fire. Or at least that’s what he thought until he felt the pain drag down from the middle of his ribs to his waist. Someone was screaming. And something was wet. He didn’t really understand what was happening, as another burst of fire stabbed through his left thigh just below his hip. Why was the fire so wet…? It made him dizzy. Like it was hard to breathe. Except he didn’t smell smoke… He just couldn’t breathe. If there was a fire, then where was Markus…? He… remembered Markus was here before the fire… Markus was here, and there was… A werewolf! Had it gotten to Markus?!?

“...m-m’kus…?”

That… didn’t sound right… 

“...m-m-AR--ks…?”

Why did it hurt so much to try and make the words make sounds…? His chest screamed in pain as he tried to fill his lungs with enough air to speak. But he couldn’t hear a response… It was too long without a response, not that he had any sense of time like this, but there was some time, and then his shirt was gone. It was cold without his shirt. And he didn’t understand why he could hear crying. 

“...I’m so sorry, Si… I’m so sorry… I-I didn’t think-- I-I’ve got you now… I…” 

Markus…? So he was safe! 

“...mmm…”

“Shhh… I’ve got you… Just hang on… I’ll try to slow the bleeding, and then we’ll get you out of here… You’re going to be okay…”

Bleeding… He’d been bleeding… He shouldn’t have been surprised by that information, but even so, it hit him hard, regardless…

“I don’t have enough gauze to cover it all, but I know what to do… I’m just going to need you to sit up a bit for a minute… Do you hear me, Si…? Here, I’m going to help… Just like…”

Simon didn’t understand why the sky seemed to be moving. His head was too… It was dizzying, as a blurry mess of red and ivory slowly came into view. Struggling to focus his vision, Simon realized that it wasn’t just a mess of colors he’d been looking at; it was his own flesh, torn and bloodied. So much blood had left his body. His heart was pounding fiercely in his chest. Terror stole the air from his lungs as life-giving blood continued to pump from his broken form. He could almost feel his--

“Hey-- Hey Simon! You’ve gone pale. Look at me! Look at me, did that hurt…? Talk to me, Si! Why have you…”

“Blood… I’m blood--I-I’m bleeding!”

“I know, Si, I know… And we’re going to make it stop now… Here… Here, come on, I just need you to stay up, like… So… okay, okay… There we go…”

Could a mind race slowly…? So many thoughts were coming to Simon all at once, but he couldn’t process any of them at the rate he knew he should have been. He was… scared… How much blood did a person have again…? How much had he lost…? Did he still have enough left to make it back to the neutral zone…? He’d always wanted to die in Markus’ arms, but… not like this… Certainly not right now… And would his blood attract more wolves…? Were they in danger for every second he stayed here bleeding…?

“Bad… That I’m bleeding… I’m bleeding bad, and it’s bad because… Because blood… They-they like blood, right, or they know… They know I’m blood, so-- I can’t--can’t get back… Can’t get--“

“Shhhh… Shhh… Don’t worry about that, love… Like I said, we’re going to stop the bleeding right now… Do you still have your knife on you…?”

His knife…?

“...r-right pocket…”

“Okay, okay good… I’m just going to cut a strip from your pants here, and tie around just like…”

He could feel Markus slip something around his leg, and with a sharp tug, pins and needles shot through the limb, harsher near his thigh as they faded to ice at his toes. 

“What did-- You made it cold! My--my my leg--it’s--“

“Shhhh… This is how we can stop the bleeding there… Trust me, Si, I’ve got you… Now this is going to go around your chest, just like…”

Simon bit back a cry as he could feel Markus press hard against the fresh wounds. He could’ve sworn his ribs had broken under the pressure, or if not the bones, then at least the skin above them, giving way so that Markus’ hands would sink all the way into his abdominal cavity. 

“Breathe, Si… I know it hurts… I know it hurts, and I’m so sorry… But we should be done in just a minute, and then we can go… Then we can go…”

Simon shook his head. It was clear he wasn’t going anywhere. Not like this… 

“Right, now, this should be good and tight… Can you get up…? If we can get you up, do you think you can stand…? We’re going to get you home one way or another, but-- Maybe just throw your arms around me… Can you hold on…? Hold on, and I’ll just…”

Simon knew Markus must have taken him into his arms, but it seemed Simon’s heart had sunk through his spine and fixed itself to the ground below, because in the last moment of consciousness he could cling to, Simon was sure he was definitely falling.


	3. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Markus calls for help.

Markus almost dropped Simon’s body when he realized he had fallen unconscious. He’d felt the change immediately. Intimately familiar with the feel of Simon’s lean form against his chest, he knew that even asleep, there was a rigidity about him, like the tension could never quite leave his body. But now, Simon was just completely limp, bonelessly swaying with each step Markus took, and… warm…? Yes, he was… warm… Hot, even… Was he sweating too…? It looked like he was already running a fever… Could the wounds have become so quickly infected…? Shit!

Markus quickened his pace, in the hopes to sooner get them out of the sun, cursing himself all the while. This was his fault! Simon hadn’t wanted to come, but he had promised it would be safe! He'd been so convinced it would be safe that he was willing to turn his back as this wolf was clearly coming in for the kill, and Simon put himself in harm’s way to save him! This should have never happened! He should have just fucking listened to Simon, but he was so wrapped up in the idea of helping these people that he ended up hurting the one person who mattered most! 

He tried not to cry--to increase his risk of dehydration would be to increase the chance that he and Simon would never make it back, would die out here in Zone he-didn’t-care-what. But how could he not cry? Simon was burning up, bleeding out in his arms, and he’d been so scared since they’d gotten here, for this exact reason. If he pulled through, Markus would never dismiss his anxieties like that again. Any moron with half a brain could have expected this would happen, but he had to be such a fucking idealist all the time! 

The crunch of dry soil, once comforting, now felt wrong below Markus’ feet. Because walking a dirt trail as a couple created an air of music. Walking a dirt trail solo was just stomping on dirt. He vaguely remembered the trees as he passed them by… Simon was better with that sort of thing, but he did know a bit about orienteering… So he knew that he was going in the right direction… This was…. Southeast, if he remembered the map right… So they were almost there…? He thought they were almost there… They had to be… It felt like he’d been carrying Simon through the woods for hours now, and he’d been going as fast as he could. The way the sun was in the sky, it had to have been at least a little after noon by now…

Markus could see the hill where they’d set up camp up ahead. At the base of that hill was their car. Markus could take Simon to a hospital, and they’d take care of him. He didn’t even bother with their things. The tent, the sleeping bag, their supplies-- it all could rot there. All that really mattered was getting Simon help. Without a second thought, he passed the campsite, and sprinted down the hill, practically skidding on his heels to keep from losing his balance and falling down into the road with his momentum. Setting Simon down on the side of the road, he unlocked the car, opening the door to the back seat.

When he turned back for Simon, it was hard not to notice how painfully fragile he looked. Markus hadn’t realized that somewhere along the way, something changed about him. His shoulders were tighter, clenched back so that his shoulder blades almost touched, tension in his arms as his back arched just slightly above the ground. Like his body was reflexively struggling to get up as if to surround himself with the air he’d been struggling to breathe. Struggling to breathe. His whole body rose as he tried to take in each breath, only to fall completely into the ground as he let himself exhale. 

Worse yet, Simon was… pale… like all the life had been drained from his body, the color pooling into a red flush across his cheeks. A red too hot to touch, as sweat from his forehead trickled down, gathering just around his browline and the bridge of his nose. Markus didn’t feel safe moving him like this, but he couldn’t see any other option. Slowly, he laid Simon down across the back seat, and rushed to get the car running. He was on the road. The nearest hospital was just 15 miles away. They would make it. They had to make it. It was close enough that Simon could hold on until they got there. And yet, somehow also far enough that Markus could lose his mind worrying until then. He found his thumb hovering unsurely over the “call” button under the steering wheel. He didn’t want anyone else to worry, but he couldn’t deal with this alone. 

“Call North’s cell!” Markus spoke into the car’s interface. 

“Calling... North’s cell…” 

He actually winced at the electronic voice, repeating his command back to him… He and Simon used to joke about that all the time. He’d say the voice was third-wheeling on all their dates, and Simon would joke back that if the car’s only got three wheels, they’d have bigger problems than whoever’s tagging along. One dial tone… Two dial tones… Three--

“Sup, dickwad? Aren’t you supposed to be out singing Kumbaya with the wolves of the forest or some shit…? The fuck are you calling m--“

“I-I just… I wanted someone to talk to… I’m freaking out, North! I fucked up, and Simon’s hurt, and… I’m on my way to the hospital now, and I think he’ll be okay, but he might not be, and I don’t know because he looks so small, and--“

“Shit, Markus! Slow down… What do you mean ‘you’re on your way to the hospital’???”

“We were attacked! I-I… I was attacked. He hadn’t wanted to come, North, but he wouldn’t leave me on my own, and I turned my back, and he--he must have taken the bite for me… Blood… There… There was so much blood… I tried to make it stop, but we still had to get back, and I had to… He’s been out for hours, and--“

“Wait, what?!? Bite? You don’t mean…?”

Markus winced. He hadn’t considered the possibility, but now that she’d brought it up… 

“W-well, yes, but maybe no? I-I don’t know! I don’t know if he was bitten or if it was just a scratch. There were gashes in his chest, but the one in his leg looked like I saw fangs, and I-I don’t know much, but he’s… he’s not right… Like, worse than the gashes… He’s too hot. I-I know I fucked up, but that doesn’t matter right now! I don’t care what happens so long as he--“

“Turn the car around!”

“A-around where…?”

“Anywhere! Just do not take him to a hospital! That is the absolute worst place to take him!”

Markus shook his head. 

“But he’s hurt!”

“Whatever he’s hurt, they’ll hurt him worse there! I know people who’ve been bit. If you take Simon to a hospital, you’re not getting him back. Have you seriously not heard what they do there to people like that…? They’ll keep him chained to a bed, and use him like a formerly-human organ farm! Word’s gotten out about the werewolf healing factor. With the enhancement drugs those freaks make out in their stupid little Zones, supposedly the hospital would be able to get a complete set of parts from him every week before more would regenerate in their place. No doctor’s going to let an opportunity like that slide.”

“So what do we do?? We can’t let him d- _-not get better_!” Markus couldn’t bring himself to say it aloud. 

“Take him back to your place. I’ll tell Josh to swipe whatever he can from the lab, and we’ll meet you there as soon as we can.”

“O-okay… okay, I-I can do that…”

“Good. You’d better. I’ll get a hold of Josh. You just get your ass home, and pray Simon turns out okay. Because if he doesn’t pull through, I’ll make you wish he’d let you die there instead!”

North hung up before Markus could point out how stupid it was to threaten him like that. He’d have gladly died there if it would’ve meant that Simon would’ve made it out unharmed. It wasn’t like he’d wanted this! Surely, she had to know that… Still, he was glad she seemed as concerned for Simon’s wellbeing as he was. He hadn’t really been sure how she’d react, or what she’d do, and in hindsight, this reaction was the best he could have expected from her. 

“You hear that, Si…? You--you have to be okay… Because if you don’t, North’s going to have my ass… And you don’t want that… I-I know you like my ass too much to want that…” Markus forced a laugh in the faint hope that Simon would somehow magically rouse and scold him for being so lewd. 

But Simon didn’t respond, and the despair in Markus’ heart only continued to grow. Best case scenario, Simon would come to back at the house, and be reasonably pissed, and probably dump Markus right there on the spot and never speak to him again. Worst case scenario… Markus couldn’t even entertain the thought. He so desperately wanted Simon to sit up in his seat and cuss Markus out for all he’d been through because of his stupidity. To say he hates Markus, and that he’d never want to see his ugly face again, and how he wishes they’d never met. It wouldn’t even hurt to hear, because Markus knew he deserved every ounce of hate Simon could give him. This was unforgivable, and all he could hope was that Simon would recover enough to tell him so. 

A part of Markus thought it would be a brilliant idea to drive home with his face. Just mashing his face against the steering wheel and letting his self-loathing propel him forward. He was still too far from home, and he was so tired, and even though he knew he didn’t have the right to be tired, he still was, and he didn’t know how not to feel. Ten miles from home… Ten miles of driving what was effectively an ambulance in the hopes that Simon would get to care in time… But ambulances had medical equipment and EMTs, and usually a loved one holding the hand of the patient, as the medics scrambled to keep them conscious, keep them stable, and all that medical jargon he didn’t know. Here, Simon was unconscious, and there was nothing Markus could say or do about it except just drive and pray. So was it really an ambulance or more like a hearse…?

Pressing his foot down harder on the gas pedal, Markus tried to pretend he could outrace each morbid thought trying to come to mind. Josh was a resident in medicine, but he wasn’t a doctor. He wasn’t even training to become one. He was training to become a medical ethicist. North used to joke it was because he’d always wanted to play god. But Simon didn’t need a god. Simon needed a doctor. From what he knew Josh’s job would be to choose who would live and who would die in hospitals when they couldn’t save everyone. But Markus didn’t want someone to choose anything… Certainly not anything like that… All he wanted was for Simon to live. It wasn’t a choice. It was the only option. Simon had to live. End of story. 

Markus knew North had called on Josh because he was the only one of them who had a decent knowledge of healthcare and access to medical supplies beyond a basic first-aid kit, but… She also said not to trust the hospitals. That they wanted the… resources-- God, that felt so wrong to think about-- they could get from the bitten… Wouldn’t that be the decision of people like the medical ethicists Josh was trying to become in the first place…? What would he say about all this…? Would he think like them, or think differently, or maybe was North wrong and that werewolf organ-farms weren’t as ubiquitous as she’d thought… He hoped the latter… Really really hoped… Still, he didn’t know how but North… knew things… If something awful was happening somewhere, she was on top of it, even if the media had been keeping it on the down low… And this was really awful… 

With a sigh, Markus pulled onto the highway. Five miles and he’d be home. Five miles not to regret his decision to follow North’s advice and take Simon home instead of to a hospital. Five miles not to wonder what Simon would’ve chosen… Had he made the right decision…? He didn’t know… He didn’t know what Simon would’ve wanted. And it wasn’t like he could ask Simon now…? He could still hear Simon weakly panting for breath in the back seat, unresponsive, and… wrong… He knew Simon shouldn’t forgive him for this, but a part of him did at least hope that if Simon turned out okay, he’d at least understand that from the point he’d gotten hurt, Markus had done his best to do right by him even if he fucked up. 

Lost in thought, Markus almost missed his exit. Luckily, he managed to pull off just in time. That would’ve been another fifteen minutes before he could get Simon inside, and he knew they didn’t have that kind of time. Time… Even if they made it home in time, would Josh and North be there soon enough…? How much time did Simon have…? Even if he were still holding on by the time Josh got there with his medical supplies, was he already too far gone…? What if they found out there was nothing they could do for him…? He knew the answer but… This wasn’t how Simon would’ve wanted it… 

Markus had heard Simon speak of his death, what he’d want when it happened. He had the tendency to always think he was dying. Like every skinned knee or allergic cough would be the end of him. So Markus knew he wanted to be awake before he went. He’d wanted to be held, to be comforted and reminded he was loved. To be aware he wasn’t dying alone. To have something to ease the pain. But, like this… Like this, there was nothing. Markus didn’t even know how aware Simon was of his surroundings, but it was clear he was in a lot of pain. Markus had been trying to tune out the quiet whimpers Simon seemed to be trying to hold back as he tried to fight through whatever was happening to him.

First house to the right, and Markus cursed himself at the sight of fresh graffiti against their garage door. “Lupophile” in big block text, the first L shaped like the open maw of a wolf, ready to bite into the less-than-appropriate shape sprouting up and across the word from the second L. This one was definitely more… imaginative than the first one… But still, he could deal with that later. Right now, Simon was his main focus. With a heavy sigh, Markus pulled into the driveway, and prepared himself to see the deterioration of Simon’s condition, as he left the car, and moved to retrieve him. Simon let out a cry as Markus tried to slip his arms under his shoulders. Fighting the urge to turn aside and be ill all over the street at the thought of causing Simon pain, he forced himself to pull Simon from the seat and secure him in his arms. 

Markus could literally feel Simon shivering in his arms, tensing up a little tighter with each step Markus took as they approached the door of their house. It was awful. And somehow, it seemed that in the time it took to arrive there, his fever had only grown. Markus wasn’t a doctor, but he knew that was bad. He needed to bring down Simon’s temperature immediately or else they wouldn’t stand a chance of even making it until North and Josh came with whatever supplies. Obviously, there would be no way to get Simon into the freezer… No, that was a stupid idea! But the AC would take too long to drop to a temperature that would do any good... In movies, he’d seen people take ice baths when they got too hot, but in this house they didn’t even have as fucking bath, let alone the ice to fill it! A cold shower would have to do…

Tossing aside the shower curtain, Markus turned on the water, and waited for it to start running cold, before trying his best to hold Simon upright in the line of water. But it was hard to hold him like that and keep a grip with the running water. His grip slipped for just a second, and Simon let out a horrible shriek the minute his bad leg touched down against the shower floor. His eyes were unfocused, glossy and wrong, but the pain seemed to cut through even the deepest fog of his mind. Struggling to keep himself together, Markus tried to get Simon back off his feet, but he wouldn’t stop screaming, and everything was too loud until he found himself falling backwards into something-- _Someone_. 

“Markus, what the hell is going on?!?!”

“J-josh…? You’re here? Do you think you can-- S-so he doesn’t--You’re going to help him--“

“Easy, Markus. Let me take a look at Simon… North’s bringing up my things…”

Markus passed Simon, still screaming, into Josh’s arms, and quickly crumpled to the ground. 

“Shit, Markus, he’s running way too hot… What did you do to him…? And what’s wrong with his leg…? Markus what happened to his leg…?”

“...bitten…” Markus choked out. “...tried to stop the bleeding… wasn’t much I could do…”

“No, Markus! You do work with werewolves, don’t you? Okay. It’s no wonder he’s in such bad shape… Okay, so we can fix this… Do you know about a werewolf’s healing factor…? The whole werewolf thing… At its core it’s a basic prion disorder… Like rabies…”

“...Simon has _rabies_?!?”

Josh shook his head, fumbling with the denim tourniquet Markus had tied at Simon’s hip. 

“No! I meant science-wise! It’s like… Like a protein comes in… And it’s shaped weird… So then it makes all the other proteins like it weird too… The werewolf protein is one that regulates gene expression specifically with regard to platelet production and some… structural changes… Damn it, Markus, how tight did you tie this thing…?”

“I-I don’t know… I-I didn’t want him to bleed… I-I’ve got a knife… His knife… I-I can--“

“Look here… Come, Markus, this is good for you to know… This is why you never tourniquet a werewolf bite… When you see Simon, do you notice anything particularly off…?”

“H-he’s hurting… He looks like he’s hurting bad… And he’s too pale, b-but also his face his red--well, not all of his face, but--“

“No, his leg, Markus! Have you seriously not noticed?!?”

“Not noticed wh--Why does it look like that…? Josh! H-how did that happen?!?!”

The limb was swollen, a stretch of red creeping from the bite all the way down to the base of his knee, angry, raw, and hot to the touch. Thick black veins could be seen through his skin, and it just looked… bad…

“You cut off the infected area from the rest of his body, so his body doesn’t really know what the hell is going on. That’s how his fever got so high… If we can just get this off, hopefully he’ll be able to pull out of it soon enough…”

Markus tore Simon’s knife from his pocket and handed it to Josh, wincing slightly as he dug the blade under the tourniquet, too close for a knife to press against Simon’s skin. The minute Josh’s arm pulled back to make the cut, Simon stiffened, shuddering there on the floor like a man possessed. Instinctively stepping forward to protect his love, Markus would’ve thought Josh had accidentally managed to nick Simon in his attempt to remove the band around his leg, if not for the fact that there was no blood… In fact, at least on Simon’s leg, there was no wound at all… Somehow, it’d already scarred over…

“Yo, Josh, I brought the shit! W-what’s going on…? Is he having a seizure…? Do werewolves get seizures…? Tell me there’s something in here for seizures, right…?”

“Nobody’s having a seizure… He’s just turning… It’s not normally such a violent process, but Markus put it off for too long in an attempt to stem the bleeding… Get an ice pack… I have no idea when this fever will break, but it’ll be bad enough for Simon to wake up a werewolf. The last thing the guy needs is to wake up a werewolf with brain damage…”

“Brain damage…?” Markus blinked up, concerned. 

“Ice pack. On it!”

North quickly ran down the stairs to bring up as much ice as she could. 

“Ice in a bag… You sure this is going to do it…? He looks awful…”

Josh placed the ice pack along Simon’s forehead, and immediately Simon let out a subtle noise of discomfort. His teeth were chattering from the cold, and Markus could already see the last bit of color drain from his cheeks.

“I know, Si… It’s cold, but it should make you better…”

Markus knew it was probably just his imagination, but he thought he could see Simon settle slightly at the sound of his voice. 

“Just until the fever breaks, love… So please… get better soon…?”

North hopped onto Markus’ bed, fidgeting anxiously with the end of her braid. 

“So what’s the deal now… He just lives or he doesn’t…? Josh, if you know more than we do, what gives…? You know I don’t like waiting…”

“I don’t think there’s much more we can do, North… I don’t know… I’m not qualified to make a prognosis like that… I just… think things… But I’m not a doctor. I just know doctors… And I have access to doctors’ supplies…” 

“...if you know doctors… Is it true what North said… About hospitals and werewolves…?”

Markus looked up at Josh, concerned. 

“I’ve... heard the idea pitched about the classroom… We were supposed to have a debate about it due Thursday, but I didn’t think people had actually executed it…?”

“...and…?”

 _“...And_ …?” Josh repeated.

Markus inched closer to Simon, placing a protective hand on his arm. 

“He wants to know if we can trust you, dumbass! You’re a medical ethicist--“

“Medical ethicist in training”

“Whatever! You’re going to be like _the_ guy. People like Simon are going to wind up in your hospitals, and the fate of their organs will be in your hands! So are his organs safe in your hands, or will your hands wind up in his organs?”

Josh threw his hands up defensively in the air. 

“I-I just told you! I’m not a doctor! My hands would never be in anyone’s organs! That’s not what I--“

“What are you going to do about Simon?”

“We… shouldn’t take Simon to a hospital… We’ll… take care of things here… He’s one of us… We can’t… That’s… hard… Maybe if he’s not himself, then later, but not until we know for sure...”

“How is this something you even need to think about!?!” Markus shot up, ready to fight. 

“Everything’s something to think about, Markus! Simon’s been my best friend long before he’s been your boyfriend. But what if he’s not himself…? Or if he loses himself at the first transformation…? What if he becomes like whatever did this to him? Then don’t you think it’d be better off for him to help people in need, saving lives…? You know Simon, isn’t that what he would want...?”

North shook her head. 

“If he becomes a mindless werewolf thing, I’m sure he’d rather we put him down; not use him like some never-ending supply of body parts for people to just pull apart week after week! I know where to get my hands on some silver bullets and--“

“Do you hear what you are _saying_ right now? Are you actually fucking serious?!? T-that--that’s Simon! You can’t just-- Don’t act like he’ll wind up-- You say you’re trying to help, but you talk like you’ve already given up on him! He’d have never given up on you! If he’d given up on me, he certainly wouldn’t be here right now… Not like this, I mean… So please, just… Just don’t… I-I’m glad you’re not going to do some sort of vivisection right here and now, not that that’s something I should be glad about in the first place, but… I need you both to be better than that. Can you not just have some fucking faith, or… Even if you don’t have faith… Can’t you see that this is our friend, and that… Even if he loses himself… I-I won’t accept that he won’t… That maybe he might one day come back…? I don’t care if he wants nothing to do with me after this, but please… If he wants nothing to do with me after this, can it at least be him that wants it…? I… I need him to be okay… Okay as himself… And I need you guys to need it too…”

Markus curled into himself, unable to look at the others as he realized that he was to blame for where their thoughts had been going. Because they’d have never thought about anything like this if he hadn’t dragged Simon into this mess… He felt so removed from the world. Like everything was made of tiles, and he was lying on one tile that had somehow found itself floating up into space. Space was nothing. He was millions of miles deep in nothing, cold and alone, and all his fault. He remembered reading once that people’s heads exploded in space without their suits. That they couldn’t breathe and then some physics bullshit--like the pressure or something-- just made their heads explode… He could feel the pressure. And he couldn’t breathe. He might not have understood the physics, but somehow he still knew how it worked, as the air was too far away, and the pressure continued to build, and he just wanted to be back on Earth, in bed with Simon, the two of them safe there together. 

“Markus…? Markus, you okay there…?”

“Why the fuck are you even asking? He just got his boyfriend mauled half-to-death by werewolves, only to drag his body two miles through the woods to get him here, and now here we are talking about silver bullets and organ farms. He’s basically been through hell today…”

“...too hard to breathe… why breathe…?”

Josh looked up at North.

“Panic attack?”

“Panic attack...” She agreed. “Knowing Simon, he’s probably got something for that in the medicine cabinet. Try searching around there, see if there’s something… Perks of dating a basket case…”

“You can’t just give someone someone else’s meds! That shit’s illegal, not to mention dangerous!”

“So’s a bunch of idiots without a medical license trying to operate on a soon-to-be-werewolf they’re harboring from nearby hospitals, but we’re doing that anyway… Valium’s a drug people take for panic attacks, right…? Or Xanax, or some shit…? If it’s a name I know, and it’s in here, I’m just going to guess it’s right…”

“What! No, North! You can’t do that! That’s-- You know what, just stay here! I’ll get it if it means you won’t be feeding him some random drugs! Harm reduction… At least I won’t kill him…”

Markus didn’t really have a sense of time to gauge how long it had been after that until Josh handed him an orange pill. He knew he was expected to take it, but he didn’t really get why… 

“...I wasn’t bitten…”

“No, but you are having a panic attack. And this is a medication that helps with panic attacks; not werewolf bites…”

“...I’ve seen Simon take this once… Then he got really sleepy… I don’t want to be sleepy; I want to be here… Simon might need me… Or not, but… I want to be here in case… I don’t want to leave him…”

Markus set down the pill and took up Simon’s hand in his own, running his thumb across Simon’s clammy knuckles. His hands were cold… Was that good…? Markus wasn’t sure… He cupped the side of Simon’s neck with his free hand, and it felt… normal… Like, not too hot anymore… He even could’ve sworn he caught the trace of a smile cross Simon’s lips at the contact. 

“His fever’s broken…”

Josh bent down and examined Simon’s unconscious body, smiling as he removed the improvised bandage from Simon’s chest. 

“Markus, look…”

“His wounds… They’re gone!”

“He should be fine now… He probably just needs some rest… But really, he’s going to be fine now… You, on the other hand, look a little pale… North said you carried Simon a few miles back home… Have you had anything to eat or drink since then…?”

It… hadn’t occurred to Markus, but no. He hadn’t had anything to eat or drink since the dinner Simon had prepared for them the night before. Josh understood the lack of a response to be a ‘no’. 

“I’ll see what you’ve got…”

Markus forced himself to his feet as Josh left the room. Simon was shivering now, and the fact that he was still soaking wet from the shower couldn’t have been helping. A towel to dry off and a robe to keep him decent would be in order, and Markus certainly wasn’t going to ask North or Josh to dress him. As Markus dried Simon off, he did feel relieved at how much more he seemed like… himself… He leaned into the gentle warmth as Markus carefully dabbed the towel against his skin, smiling especially at the softness against his cheek. Simon always liked soft things. It really was like he was sleeping now… Like he was sleeping just because, like if nothing bad had happened. It made Markus a little sleepy just looking at him. 

“There you go, love… Rest now… You’re going to be okay…”

Markus had already managed to get Simon into his robe, and place him comfortably back into bed by the time Josh had come back upstairs with a sandwich and a cup of juice. He placed the food onto the nightstand, and turned to Markus, arms folded across his chest.

“So what now…? When Simon wakes up, who’s breaking the news…? He probably won’t remember much from after he was attacked…”

“I want to be the one to explain it to him… I think he deserves to hear it from me… And then--if he’s okay, I mean--I’ll probably go back to Dad’s… He can stay here until we can sell this place… Maybe I’ll call Lucy over to stay with him while I’m gone…? I… have to see what he’d want…”

North raised an eyebrow. 

“You lost me after ‘hear it from you’... The fuck do you mean about selling the house, and what do Lucy and Carl have to do with any of this…?”

“Simon almost got killed because of me. He’d wanted to go home, but I stayed, and he wouldn’t leave me there. Plus, he got bitten trying to protect me because I was too stupid to realize that fucking wolf would attack us. He’s not going to want anything to do with me once he wakes up. And he’ll be right not to… I won’t make him move out, and I’m not going to force him to keep seeing me around the house so… I can call Dad… He’s still kept up my room all this time… But knowing Si, even if he won’t want me around, he might be afraid to be alone like this, at least for the first few nights… So if I call Lucy, I’m sure she’d be happy to--“

“What makes you think me and Josh wouldn’t wanna stay? Besides… Don’t know if you’ve been keeping track, but tomorrow night’s going to be a full moon… Of all your friends you’d wanna leave alone with Simon on his first transformation if things go south, you’d pick the blind pacifist…?”

“Of all my friends I’d want to leave Simon alone with on his first transformation, I’d pick the one who’s not eying his organs or black market silver bullets! Look, I’m glad you helped us here… Really, both of you, I genuinely am… But with the way you talk, how the fuck am I supposed to trust that-- I need someone who will see Simon even when he doesn’t look like himself…”

North hopped off the side of the bed, blowing her bangs from her face as if to give off an air of apathy. 

“...so if she’s blind, you’re right, I suppose she’ll always see him the same… Come on, Josh, let’s go… Get your shit; you’re going to need to bring it back tomorrow…”

Josh shrugged apologetically, as North stormed away, clearly more offended than she’d have liked to appear. 

“Goodbye, Markus…”

“Goodbye, Josh…"


	4. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon comes to.

Only Josh would’ve been courteous enough to condemn Markus by closing the door behind himself as he left the room. Now it was just Markus, Simon’s body, and his thoughts… Would Simon sleep through the night now…? Markus was lightheaded from hunger, but Simon hadn’t eaten yet either… Still, he didn’t want to wake Simon if he needed his rest… So reluctantly, Markus ate his meal alone… It tasted awful. The first dinner of a lifetime’s worth of meals alone. Loneliness felt tired. Like all Markus wanted to do was sleep. 

Really, what he wanted to do was sleep beside Simon, cuddled together under the covers there, but he knew that would be wrong… Simon wouldn’t want to share a bed with Markus once he knew everything that had happened, and it wouldn’t be fair for Markus to take advantage of his last few hours of ignorance by creeping into bed with him despite that. It felt wrong to be a stranger in his own room with the man he loved, but he loved Simon too much to hold him under these circumstances. He’d lost the right to hold Simon. So now, he’d have to sleep in the beanbag chair by the wall. 

Markus woke up to the smell of cinnamon and vanilla. It felt kind of dreamy, soothing in a weird way, but he didn’t remember why he was in need of soothing, and he didn’t remember why he felt so tired. The smell grew stronger as he could hear the sound of footsteps approaching, but Markus was too tired to bother examining why. It wasn’t unusual to smell cinnamon and vanilla in the morning, and it wasn’t usual to hear footsteps. The smell was so close, he could practically taste it--freshly baked French toast-- but he could hear what sounded like a plate being set down before he felt something soft place a kiss on his forehead…

“I don’t know how you wound up here, love… Let’s get you back to bed…”

Get him back to bed…? So where was he…? And why…? Hands cupped the back of his neck and the crook of his knees, and suddenly Markus understood. He flopped face-down onto the carpet in an attempt to escape from Simon’s arms, recovering as quickly as he could, so he could fight off the remnants of sleep to scurry to the far end of the room. 

“Get _me_ back to bed? Simon, _you_ should be in bed! What are you doing awake…? You--you _kissed me_ …?”

“Well, yeah… We are boyfriends…”

“You… I mean, I-- I think-- I don’t know how to-- I just don’t understand-- Simon…? What do you remember…?”

Simon sat down next to Markus, dangerously close. It would be too easy for Markus to lean his head on Simon’s shoulder like this, even though he knew he couldn’t let himself. 

“I don’t remember how I got here, if that’s what you mean… The last thing I remember was you trying to make me stop bleeding in the woods, but I think I blacked out from the pain… I don’t know how you did it, but I feel fine now, and I don’t see any wounds on me… Just dried blood on the carpet and in the shower drain… Why…? Did something happen…? Did I say something bad in the time I don’t remember…? I’m sorry if I did…”

So he didn’t remember. Markus nodded. That made sense… 

“How long do you think it’s been, Simon…? Since you blacked out…?”

“I don’t know… A week…? Maybe two…? Those cuts on my chest felt pretty deep, and my leg hurt like hell, but now I can walk like nothing happened, and I don’t even see so much as a scar…”

“Okay… This… This is good to know… Can you… get back into bed… Like, not under the covers, but if you could… Like, sit down…? I-I want to explain, but I need to find the words… And I’m kind of scared to find the words… I’m sorry, I know it’s not my place to be scared but--“

“Markus… You don’t need to feel bad for how you feel. But you’re acting weird… I’ll sit down, but… What happened that you’re like this…?”

Simon sat down somewhat anxiously onto his bed, patting a spot beside him for Markus to sit, but Markus didn’t join him. 

“What I’m about to say is… Is… It’s a lot, Simon… And it’s why I’m acting weird… It hasn’t been two weeks, or even one week that you’ve been knocked out… You blacked out yesterday. I carried you back and drove you home, and Josh and North came by to try to help…”

Simon nodded.

“I… don’t see how that’s bad news… Josh must be learning a lot that he knew how to take care of this all… But if he put me on such strong painkillers that I can--“

“No… Josh… Didn’t put you on any medication… He didn’t really do anything besides untie the tourniquets I tied and used an ice pack to break your fever…”

“Fever…?”

Simon touched a hand to his forehead, confused. He hadn’t remembered having a fever… 

“You made yourself all better… Well… sort of… You… You know how you were hurt, right…?”

Simon nodded unsurely. 

“That werewolf… I… I think I charged it when I saw it coming at you… It’s kind of a blur to be honest… After that I really just remember pain and blood… I don’t remember much between that and blacking out…”

“Have you checked your leg…? Where you were hurt, I mean… I’m sorry, Simon, I just don’t know how to--“

“Have I checked my leg…?”

The question was bizarre. He’d walked on his leg… He was sure of that… He would’ve known if something was still wrong with it, wouldn’t he…? Surely, he’d have felt it and been unable to walk… But the look in Markus’ mismatched eyes… There was something about it that gave Simon the feeling that he was still missing something important. Hiking up the leg of his boxer shorts, Simon felt his heart freeze up in his chest. 

“Is… Is this some kind of a joke…?”

Breathing hard in an attempt to stay calm, Simon met Markus’ eyes for an explanation. 

“No, Simon, I--“

Simon slid off the bed, and ran a shaky hand through his hair.

“I-It’s not funny, Markus! I don’t know why you’d think it’s funny--It’s not _funny_! You--You said North was here, was it her idea…? What kind of paint did she use…? How do I wash this shit off? Joke’s over, Markus, I-I want it off!”

“Simon, please--“

“No! Don’t ‘please’ me! I-I want it off! Y-you know I don’t find this kind of thing funny, and--“

“You don’t--“

“You know I’ve been worked up all week, I don’t know how you’d have thought this would be okay… You’ve never pulled shit like this in the entire time we’ve been together, I don’t understand why you thought now was the time for a prank like--“

“ _It’s not a prank_!” 

“No! J-just shut up! If you’re not going to help me that’s fine! I-I can do it myself! I know you keep solvent in the closet…”

Markus ran after Simon as he started for the supply closet in his studio.

“Simon, wait! I swear I’m not messing with you! Just please try to listen to-- Shit! Simon, open the door! You’re going to hurt yourself!”

Simon locked the studio door behind him so Markus couldn’t follow. He didn’t understand what had happened since he’d blacked out that could have made it so anyone, least of all Markus, would have found this in any way amusing. 

“Simon! Open the door!! Simon, let me in!”

Solvents and paint thinners were on the bottom shelf. Simon didn’t understand the science of it all, but he knew the most concentrated would be the strongest. So he emptied half a bottle of the most concentrated solvent he could find onto a sponge from a nearby easel, more than saturating it, so that the excess spilled down onto the floor below, eating away at the wooden finish. Good stuff. This would work. Just touching the wet sponge to his skin made it burn, and the chemical smell was less than pleasant, but still, he pressed down harder, digging the sponge into the flesh of his thigh as he tried to scrub the mark from his flesh. Solvent oozed from the sponge and into his inner thigh along his hip, but he kept scrubbing, even as the clear solvent began to run red. He couldn’t think of anything other than getting rid of the damned stain, so he hadn’t noticed Markus pick the lock to get inside, at least not until something took his arm and flung him backwards, pinning his wrist to the ground away from his leg, so he couldn’t finish scrubbing away whatever they’d painted him with. 

“Get off of me! I-I have to--I have to get it off!”

“Simon, you’re bleeding! You’ve burnt yourself!”

“I need it off! I-I-- I need--“

“You need to breathe is what you need… And I need for you to calm down enough that you can hear me… Can you hear me?”

Simon sighed. 

“If it’ll make you let me do this…”

“Okay… So let’s think for a second. Let’s say that hypothetically someone did paint your leg while you were sleeping… Look what you’ve done to yourself: You’ve burnt away all the skin…Even if there had been paint on the skin, there’s no skin left to have paint on…”

“I-I don’t know how you did it…? I-Is it a tattoo? Markus, you know how I feel about--“

“Think for a minute, Simon… I know this is hard to hear, but… Which do you think is more likely, that you were bitten when you were attacked yesterday, or that all your friends decided to play an elaborate prank on you, gaslighting you about how long you’ve been out while they magically healed you of all trace of injury, and somehow managed to tattoo a bitemark where the wound on your thigh had been, all without you regaining consciousness, only to return you to your bed, and have you wake up like this…?”

Simon knew the answer, but… But it couldn’t be… He couldn’t accept it! H-he wasn’t--

“I understand if you’re mad at me. If you don’t want anything to do with me now, that’s fine… I can go to Dad’s place, and I’ve already made plans to call over Lucy if you don’t want to be alone… But please, I need to know you’re not going to freak out and hurt yourself… I… I know this is hard, but… You’re still-- I mean, you’re okay… It’s different, but still okay…”

No… _Nothing_ was okay! The whole world was spinning, and he couldn’t breath, and… his arms… He couldn’t feel his arms! The bite was on his leg, so why couldn’t he feel his arms?!?!

“Hey, hey! Look at me, Si… I need you to breathe… You’re starting to panic… Breathe with me… Just do what I do, okay…?”

But Simon couldn’t breathe like Markus because he wasn’t even fucking human like Markus! He--he wasn’t human anymore! He was-- H-he was…? What was he…? He didn’t know anymore…

“Come on, Simon… You can still breathe… Just focus on breathing… You don’t need to think about anything else right now…”

“I-I can’t… can’t do it...”

“Yes, Simon, you can… Here, let’s sit you up; that might help… There we go… There we go… Keep it up, Si… Now let me get a cloth to clean up this mess…"

Markus went to the sink by his dirty brushes, and ran water from the faucet over a clean rag. It wasn’t much, but at the very least, it would help to wipe away some of the solvent and blood from Simon’s leg. He returned to Simon’s side with the wet rag, and held it out for him. Wordlessly, Simon nodded back at Markus, allowing him to clear away the bloody mess he’d made to reveal fresh skin in place of the burn he’d expected to see, the fang-shaped scar still clearly visible. 

“I-It’s--it’s still there…? Markus, it’s still there! H-how--how do I get it to go away?!?”

“I… I’m sorry, but I don’t think you can… We’ve seen recruits come in with visible bites and… I-I don’t think it ever goes away… But look at me, Si… It’s going to be okay… Just a little bit different…”

“I-I… am a werewolf…? Markus, what am I going to do?!?”

“Whatever you want to… C’mon, Simon, you know that… That’s literally what we do here is show werewolves that they can live normal lives… You’re still you, you just… heal extra quick and look a little different once a lunar cycle… No big deal…”

“I-I’m going to transform…? I-I forgot about that somehow! I can’t transform! Markus, I don’t want--If I have to be a werewolf, t-there’s gotta be something--I-I don’t want to transform!”

Simon got up from the floor and started for their room, before realizing that it was as much Markus’ room as his own. This whole house was their house… He needed somewhere his own. Somewhere private where he could figure out how to--

“Simon…”

“I-I don’t want to transform!”

“I’m sorry, Si… I-I don’t want this for you either… But I-I promise it’s going to be okay… Different, but okay… So please, try not to--“

A thought suddenly occurred to Simon, sending him shooting from the wall to the calendar downstairs. 

“T-today’s the sixteenth, right…? We--we left for the campsite on the fifteenth, a-are you sure it’s only been a day…? Markus, you’re sure it hasn’t been longer…? It’s been longer, right…? Y-you were at least making that up, weren’t you…? I-it’s okay, I won’t be mad… I-I just need to know… Need to know for--“

“No, Si… Today is the sixteenth… Which means tonight will be…”

Simon tore the page from the calendar, trembling as he crumpled the paper in his fist. He swallowed hard, bowing his head to the wall, as he willed his voice to be still. 

“Get out.” The tone was even, measured, but somehow tense, all the same. 

Markus had been expecting Simon to hate him for this. He knew Simon would want him to keep a million miles away once he realized the gravity of what happened, but… Even having expected it, to hear Simon speak to him so coldly, to feel so distant, and to know that the man he loved now wanted nothing to do with him… It was so much harder than anything he could have prepared for. 

“Y-yes… Yes, of course… I… I’ll call Lucy… So you’ll have someone… Someone for tonight, I mean…”

Markus felt tears in his eyes as he started for the door, painfully aware that Simon hadn’t even so much as turned to look at him all the while. 

“F-for what it’s worth… I do love you… I’ll always love you… And… I’m sorry… I didn’t want this… And I’d do anything to take it back if I could… Please… Take care… and let me know if you need anything… E-even if you want nothing to do with me--we don’t have to be together for me to help if you need… I-- I’m sorry…”

Markus didn’t know what he wanted from Simon, but anything would’ve been better than this silence he'd been met with. He needed Simon to acknowledge him! Even if he’d been the worst thing to ever happen to Simon, even if he’d ruined his life, hadn’t they also had some good times too…? Or had he really never meant anything to Simon at all…? The hurt in his heart kept him frozen in his spot, but he’d been lingering in the doorway for far too long, now, so he forced himself to move forward. 

Simon flinched at the sound of the door opening and shutting behind Markus, but he didn’t dare move from his spot until he heard the sound of Markus’ car pulling out of the driveway. As soon as the engine had gone out of earshot, Simon fell to his knees. That was too hard… But at least now, he no longer had to hold back the tears. And he wouldn’t need to keep silent, guarding his tongue behind a jaw of clenched teeth to keep from saying ‘ _stay_ ’.

“I’m sorry, Markus… I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to make you cry… But, for what it’s worth... I’ll always love you more...”


	5. Preparation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon gets ready.

Simon returned to their--no, _his_ \-- room and ate the breakfast he’d left there, having intended to share it with Markus. Condensation had made the bread soggy and gross, more like some sort of oatmeal that fell apart in his mouth, and the vanilla tasted sickly sweet against his tongue. It was the same recipe he made almost every morning, but somehow, this time it just didn’t feel right. He wondered if it might never feel right again… Pouring himself a glass of milk, he took his medicine, and clinked the rim of the glass against the hard plaster wall. 

“To becoming a monster. A lifetime of loneliness.”

He remembered hearing the transformation went from sunset to dusk. Sunset was at roughly seven tonight, and dusk came a little under two hours later… So he still had ten hours until it all would begin… Ten hours to prepare himself, or at the very least to try not to go insane waiting for… For… Well, he wasn’t sure what… He knew he should probably ask around for what to expect, but then there was the matter of who to call… Of the recruits they’ve had so far, Daniel and Ralph seemed to be the most eager to chat, but Ralph was still… Off… Like he’d… lost himself somehow somewhere along the way… So Simon wasn’t sure he could learn much from Ralph, but maybe… Maybe he could, actually… Maybe he should call the both of them…

Simon found himself reluctant to dial either number, though… He wasn’t sure what he’d say, what he’d hear, or even if he was ready to hear it… He hated dealing with this alone! Markus would have known what to do, and helped keep him from panicking at the thought of all the unknowns, but he’d had to send Markus away… Because he didn’t know what he’d become… If he lost himself, become something… scary…? He might hurt Markus, or even worse, and he just… He couldn’t take that risk… So it was better that he’d sent Markus away… Even if it was worse… 

He would have to call Daniel alone. As he punched the numbers into the screen of his phone, he couldn’t help but notice how delicate his fingers were. He couldn’t imagine the bones widening, stretching, tearing through his flesh to form bulky claws, but somehow, he could imagine the pain… he knew it was all in his head, but even so, the thought made it difficult to hold the phone right in his hand as he waited impatiently for a response. He wanted to scream to Daniel through the phone that he didn’t have time to wait there all day! That even though he hadn’t begun to transform, he could already feel his body breaking down to reform all the same… 

“Who’s calling…?”

“Daniel! I-it’s me… Simon… Like from the--the place… The rehab--yes! That’s it--that’s the thing! I-I wanted… Wanted to ask you some questions-- F-for a friend…?”

“Dude, are you okay…? You sound awful… And what kind of friend told you to ring the first werewolf in your contacts at eleven in the morning for some kind of interview or whatever?”

“M-my friend…? M-my friend’s name is… uhhh… T-their name is Matt… And they wanted to know about-- They-they just saw the calendar and they-- Tonight will be their first transformation, and they wanted me to ask you what to expect!”

Simon winced at the awkward pause before Daniel spoke up again. 

“This Matt guy… He’s with you and Markus for the night, is that it…? And you’ve never had a newly-turned before…?”

“Y-yeah… Y-yeah… Matt is here! And M-markus is here too! And me! M-me is--I mean, I am here… T-this is our house, i-isn’t it…?”

“You’re afraid of him, aren’t you…? Of course you are… How you wound up doing this shit is beyond me… Well, tell your friend Matt there that being bluntly honest, this shit sucks… First time’s always bitch. In Zone 3, they actually set up this whole gladiator type thing… A flat pit of dirt by the center of the grove… They’d feed us extra meat for the day, and come nightfall, they’d lead us all to the pit, have us strip down, ass-naked, and gather around, making a sort of wall around us…”

“D-Daniel, I--I--That’s awful...“

Simon knew bad things went down in the Zones, but he’d never imagined… He couldn’t imagine living like...

“What? No, man… That part’s fine. Werewolf culture gives zero fucks about nudity--You ever see a dog go around with pants on…? And no one complains over extra food, plus the pit wasn’t bad on it’s own… Even them watching us was alright if not for why they wanted to watch us… It’s like their fucking football or whatever… They watch us transform, take bets on who’ll make it through the night, who won’t… the kids laugh at--“

“I-I’m sorry to--to interrupt… B-but you said… W-what do you mean by ‘m-make it through the night…?’”

“Oh… Oh yeah… You might be in for some shit tonight… you and Markus know how to get to the woods right…? Like you know where to find all the Zones and shit…? That’ll be the best place to drop the body if you need. There’s effectively no law once you pass into Zone 1, so no one will even try to investigate…”

“W-what body?!? T-there--there-- There is no body-- W-why would you think…? I-Is Matt going to-- to--“

Simon could hear a sigh on the line. He knew it was rude to keep interrupting Daniel like this, but he didn’t want for--

“You… don’t seem to get it… Let me put this as clearly as possible. Transforming… That shit’s fucking with your genes, breaking down and rebuilding your body… It’s painful as shit, and not everyone survives the process. I don’t know dick about your friend Matt, but even if I did, there’s no guarantee he’ll survive the night… And even if he does, not everyone recovers after the fact… Ever wonder why some wolves act more wolf-ish than others…? They did used to be people like you and me, but it’s usually in the first transformation where something in them just… breaks… Like I said, each time, it gets a little easier, but… Tell Matt to be ready for the worst, if not the last night of his life…”

Simon whimpered, unsure of how to proceed with this information, and unable to bring himself to say anything more without giving himself away by the fear in his voice. 

“Simon…? Simon, you there…? I know the connection's shit at your place, but--“

Simon hung up the phone before Daniel could say anything more. So he would die tonight. This was his last day on Earth… And he didn’t even know what to do with it… He’d driven Markus away to keep him safe from whatever he might become tonight, and he didn’t want to spend his last day alone… He needed Markus here, but he knew it wouldn’t be right to ask for that… So what was he supposed to do…? Maybe he could write personalized goodbyes for everyone he knew…? And maybe order gifts online, little tokens for them to remember him by after he’d be gone… How could a person write a letter to sum up an entire relationship…? Forcing himself from the ground, Simon decided to get a pen and some paper and try to find out. 

> ~~My dearest Markus,~~

No, too formal. 

> ~~To my one and only love,~~

That didn’t sound right either… 

> ~~Markus, my beloved,~~

Maybe he shouldn’t refer to Markus by a term of endearment like that… Markus deserved to feel love after him; Simon wanted him to know he could move on… Why was this so fucking hard?!?

> _Markus,_
> 
> _I’m sorry things ended like this… I didn’t want to send you away. I love you. Even now as I write this, I love you with everything I am. I needed you to leave because I don’t know what I might do tonight if I lose myself, and if I’m going to lose myself, just I can’t lose you too. Whatever I am when you find this letter, a broken body, a beast, or something in between, please try to remember me for what I was. The mess of a man who loved you dearly, and hopefully, whom you loved in return. Please don’t forget me, but… You deserve to move on… You’re the best, most wonderful, perfect thing to ever happen to me…. Never stop being you. You’re-_

Simon almost jumped at his own ringtone.

“M-markus…?”

“Hey Si--Simon! Hey _Simon_ … Look, I know you don’t want to talk to me--”

“I-I never said--” Simon tried to interject. 

“--but I don’t like you being alone right now… So you don’t have to talk to me. I-I won’t talk. I just… Can you keep the door unlocked for Lucy…? I’m going to have her come over to be with you… So you don’t have to talk to me, but you don’t have to--”

“N-no! N-no Markus! I-I don’t want--Don’t tell Lucy! I don’t want her! I-I just… I do want to be--to be alone… I want to be alone!” 

The lie felt bitter on his tongue. 

“Simon, you don’t sound well… Please, would you just consider--“

“N-no! P-please… My door is locked. I will not be unlocking it. G-goodbye Markus… I-I lov-- _Goodbye_!”

Simon hung up the phone, cursing himself at the fact that he’d almost ruined everything with just three little words. He just loved Markus. He couldn’t even think to hang up on Markus without expressing his love. And this might have been the last time he’d ever speak to Markus… It was… heavy… So he channeled his energy into writing Markus’ note. Then North’s, and Josh’s, and Lucy’s, and Connor’s. He even wrote a little ‘thank-you’ to Daniel for… guiding him through this-- Well, he might have been using the word “guide” loosely, but, Daniel had meant to help in his own way… 

But all the letters only ate up another two hours or so… So Simon went to the fridge and made himself a sandwich and a protein shake. Daniel had said that the newly-bitten were given extra food prior to their first transformation, so he figured maybe he might need the strength to make the process easier on himself. Practically shoving the food down his face, Simon felt kind of hollow as he wandered aimlessly, wondering what exactly it was he was looking for. He found his way to Markus’ studio, dried blood still there on the floor beside a patch of exposed wood. He knew he didn’t have time to paint all he’d want to leave for Markus, but maybe he might have time for some rough sketches before he’d lose himself entirely. 

Taking out a large canvas, Simon segmented it somewhat unevenly, so that the board was a collage of memories he’d cherished from the times they’d spent together. Everything from when they were dumb kids playing video games in Carl’s basement, to sleeping in late cuddled up together in the recent years… It was a good distraction, in a way, developing each scene, working for hours uninterrupted, save for the two snack breaks he took in between. Still, the sound of the pencil scratching across the canvas, wasn’t enough to drown out each tick of the clock on the other side of the room. It made him uneasy, made his lines more jittery, to think that effectively this was a race against time. 

Ultimately, the finished work looked like crap. He’d been overambitious with what he could do on such short notice, but as soon as that damn clock struck five, he knew he’d better prepare himself dinner, so he’d still have time to eat, and ready himself before it happened. Mindlessly, his legs took him to the kitchen, but he wasn’t really processing what he was doing. His head was off somewhere else, as his body did its own thing back on Earth. It was almost like he’d been drawing in one moment, and then a chunk of time was cut from his life, so that he found himself sitting on the couch, a plate of turkey bacon and an omelette still warm on his lap. 

Weren’t inmates usually granted a last meal before their execution…? He remembered North joking that her last meal would be a scoop of every flavor of Ben and Jerry’s ever invented. She said that it’d be nearly impossible to get all that ice cream in one place and still keep it cold, so while they were trying to acquire it, she’d probably just die of natural causes before they could execute her, and that even if they could acquire it, at least she’d die with the taste of ice cream on her tongue. Simon hadn’t laughed when she’d pitched the idea. He’d thought it was awfully morbid. But somehow this was worse. Eggs and bacon would’ve been a disappointing meal for an ordinary breakfast, let alone for his last meal. But Daniel had made it seem like he’d need to have something substantial if he didn’t want to die especially horribly tonight. 

He supposed that the monster he was to become wasn’t afforded the luxuries given to death row inmates. If he did survive the night, would he really become something so hateful…? What was even the point of trying to survive…? Clinging to the hope that somehow he might still retain his humanity, and wind up eventually reverting back to himself once it was over…? Maybe there was a reason they’d had so few recruits… Maybe there just weren’t that many people who could… Everyone he and Markus had helped, Daniel included, was tougher and stronger than Simon in every way… He’d always been timid and mild… He was basically the embodiment of the kid who’d get picked last in gym class all grown up. Or, if not all grown up, as grown up as he was ever going to get… He’d say he was too young to die, but was there ever even a right age to die…? No, dying just sucked. And this sucked the worst…

Simon wasn’t sure why he chose to clean up after himself. But still, he did the dishes, and managed to clean the blood from the floor of Markus’ studio, and from the carpet in their room, and the shower drain… Maybe he just wanted to try to leave as little as he could for Markus to deal with once he’d come back home after Simon was gone… Which then led to one final question. How would he ensure that if he lost himself, he wouldn’t leave the house and risk hurting other people outside… He’d need to keep himself contained somehow… Maybe he could lock himself in the basement…? And he could tie himself to the radiator so he wouldn’t be able to even try to go and break down the door… He could use a belt to fix his arm around the pipe, and hopefully, that’d hold him for long enough… He’d use the studded leather belt Markus still kept from his middle school emo phase… It’d be harder to bite through if somehow he might try to escape…

The basement floor was cold and hard… Not the most comfortable place to spend his last two hours… If he had to spend his last two hours in whatever pain awaited him, didn’t he at least deserve to suffer somewhere nicer than chained to a radiator on the basement floor…? Maybe he could do something to make it at least a little more pleasant…? Simon swiped the bedding, pillows and all, from the guest bedroom, along with one of Markus’ favorite shirts from their closet. Adding his phone charger, and several cold bottles of water onto the pile, he hurried back to the basement and locked the door behind him, careful to leave himself ample time to restrain himself before sunset. 

Simon set up a corner for himself next to an outlet by the radiator. Stirpping down to his boxers, he plugged in his phone, and set up the sheets, water close at hand if he’d need, before he placed his wrist to a cold metal pipe. Looping the belt around it, Simon made sure it was good and tight, before buckling the belt, tying it off at the end too, just for good measure. With his free hand, he set his phone to play an instrumental playlist in the hopes that the music might help calm his nerves… Lying down on the pillow was kind of like sleeping, albeit in an unconventional location… Maybe if he got under the sheets, he could try to sleep through the worst of it…? It was wishful thinking, he knew, but even so, he hugged Markus’ shirt to his chest, a poor substitute for the body meant to fill it, and tried to force himself to nod off. 

Eyes closed, Simon restlessly shifted on the sheets he’d prepared. He’d lost track of how long he’d been down here, so he had no idea when the sun would finally set… The basement had no fucking windows, so the only way to tell would be to check his phone… But he couldn’t bring himself to check his phone, because he didn’t really want to know, because he was too fucking afraid, just like always, and he really really wished he’d been strong enough to get more information from Daniel, because he was just realizing that he had absolutely no idea what was going to happen other than that it would be painful, and he might die. How would he know when it started…? And painful how…? Lots of things hurt, but there were dozens of words to describe dozens of distinct types of pain. How could he mentally prepare himself for pain, if he didn’t even know what kind of pain to anticipate…?

Assuming transformed werewolf anatomy was that of a regular wolf, it would be safe to assume that his hands and face would receive the worst of it… He remembered reading in school that all mammals had basically the same bone structure for really everything except the face… Wolves had a muzzle, while the human face was more pushed in… Plus humans had a larger cranium than any other species because humans had such large brains… Would--Would he lose some of his brain?!? How would he lose his brain?!? Would it melt? He could feel it melting! Except it didn’t feel like melting. It felt dull, muted. Like tiny picks under his skull mashing away at the vulnerable tissue. H-he didn’t want to lose his brain! The sides of his head felt the worst… What parts of his brain was he losing…? He couldn’t remember what parts of the brain were at the sides… Maybe he’d lost his ability to remember! 

He didn’t want to lose his memory! Simon pressed his palms into his eyes, terrified and helpless as he tried to think of a way to save what he could of himself… How long had it been that his skull was beginning to cave in on itself…? Simon turned on his phone to check on the time, feeling his heart sink as he saw a damning “7:02pm”. He hadn’t been losing his brain; he’d only been losing his mind! He still had another four minutes before anything even started! So if he’d managed to psych himself up enough to feel this awful, how bad would everything be once it started…? He needed to calm down. He couldn’t get through this if he had to fight against his body and his mind… The thought occurred to Simon that he might as well just find a way to end it here and save himself another two hours of fear, but he knew himself well enough to know he’d never be able to bring himself to do it.


	6. Transformation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon starts to change.

How would a person know when this shit started…? And how would it start…? He assumed he wouldn’t just magically turn into a wolf at some point, but--His chest felt weird… It started out as just a general discomfort, maybe like a sunburn all about his torso… Except the skin wasn’t burnt… It was paler than usual, but warm to the touch… Fine… Fine… That was okay… He’d been sunburnt before… He could deal with that… But there was something else too… Like a series of pulled muscles in his chest. The tension eased slightly as he tried to take in some air, but… it was too hard to release his breath to take in another…

Was this how the people died like Daniel said…? He couldn’t breathe! Suffocation was an awful way to go! He’d read about it once before. Just a desperate struggle for air he wouldn’t be able to reach. He needed air! He needed it He needed it He needed it! Forcing himself to exhale was brutal. Like breaking his ribs each time, just to earn himself another breath. And it was getting harder to control. His breath caught in his throat when he’d meant to take more air in, and he found himself hyperventilating so violently that he was afraid his lungs would burst from his chest, shooting blood up through his throat until he drowned in it. He was going to die! H-he--He didn’t want to die! A-and he didn’t want to die alone! 

Fear was building like a pressure taking over Simon’s body. It took any semblance of self control he’d been trying to hold onto, until he found his phone in his hands, the dial tone coming up before he could even fully register the gravity of what he was doing. He couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t think and he was so fucking scared, and--

“Simon…? Do you--Is there anything I can help you with…?”

Simon struggled to catch his breath. He couldn’t get enough air to eke out a response. 

“Simon…? Is… Is everything okay…?”

“...don’ think… S-spoke to… t’Daniel… an’ he says… c‘die... Dying…?”

“Daniel says what?!? Simon, what’s going on?!? Hang on, I-I’m coming to you! I’m on my way!”

No! Shit! That wasn’t what he wanted! Or was it? He didn’t know anymore… He wanted not to die… And he wanted not to die with Markus thinking they’d broken up. If he had to die, at least could he die knowing Markus knew he still loved him…?

“Don’ wan’ die… scared… not with y’think… Was n’ver mad… Love’y…y-you…”

“S-stay on the line, Si. I’ll be there in five minutes… Talk to me… Talk to me, love, I’m still here…”

“...n-no…? C-can’t… y’might g’hurt...”

There was a pause on the line as Markus came to understand. 

“I-Is that why you told me to leave…? Simon, no! I’m on my way; I don’t care the risk! Where are you…?”

“...I--“ 

Simon broke out into a coughing fit, choking on his words before he could bring himself to respond. Air was too hard to come by! W-was he going to choke right here on the phone, Markus still on the way…?

“Shhh… Shhh… You’re okay, Si… You’re okay… Try to relax for me… Relax, and the air should come to you… You’re okay…”

“...basem’n…” Simon rasped. “...locked…”

“That’s not a problem, love. You’re in the basement; I’ll be there… You said you were talking to Daniel…? Do you think I should call him now…? Maybe he might have something more to say…”

“...y-yeh… b’call back…? ...d-don’ wan’ b’alone…?”

“I’ll call back straight away. I’ll get the information, and I’ll be right back, okay…? I’m only five minutes away, anyway, so you’ll see me real soon, Si… I’ll figure it out…”

Simon winced as he heard he was put on hold. What if Daniel would tell Markus it was a lost cause when he heard he was doing so badly at this stage…? That it was over… Would Markus even bother to come by…? And if it was over, was there anything they could do for him…? Or was--was-- Breathe… He needed to place his whole focus on breathing. Pushing against his own diaphragm as it took up a mind of its own. But he didn’t have the strength. And he didn’t have the air. Oxygen wasn’t getting to his brain, and his body was starving, aching for just another breath his chest wouldn’t let him take. _It wouldn’t let him take it!_ His body was going numb, as the energy was draining fast, and in the absence of oxygen, panic pumped through his veins. He was dying! This was it! He was dying! He could feel his mind going fuzzy. It was a floaty feeling, accompanied by a nonspecific panic, a desperate will to live in its purest form. Black spots clouded his vision, growing stronger, until there was nothing… 

“Simon?!? Simon, I’m here!!”

Markus couldn’t help but feel disheartened at the lack of a reply. His efforts to pick the lock of the basement door grew more frantic, until he practically fell through the door, needing to catch himself as he saw an unconscious Simon straining on a bedspread on the ground, his arm chained to a pole above his body. In a morbid sort of way, Markus was almost relieved to see Simon struggling so. At least if he was struggling, it meant he must have been still alive… But he was… different… Mostly his proportions. He was bigger, his limbs long and gangly in a way Markus hadn’t expected to see, and his ribcage was much larger, more pronounced from beneath his skin. That was really it. He was basically skin and bones, muscle only just beginning to build and add a bit of shape to his frame. Markus could see the swell of budding tissue trying to take hold, connecting muscle to bone, growing larger so that his skin was taught and rigid. 

Setting himself beside Simon, Markus first untethered his arm to the pole, letting it fall to the ground, limp. Upon closer inspection, his face had changed too… His jaw was out slightly, like an underbite, except that his upper jaw had somehow extended too. His nose now curved upward, ears now pointed, and teeth slightly pointed, even at the molars, it was clear what Simon was becoming. But that was good. Daniel said that the first part was the hardest to get through… That most people who didn’t make it had died when their ribs had expanded at a rate too fast for their diaphragm to accommodate. Supposedly, after that, it was just a matter of maintaining the integrity of his central nervous system, as the restructuring of his skull grew more drastic, and making sure he didn’t run out of energy or overexert himself before dusk. So they had about an hour and a half left to get through. And he would make sure they’d get through it. 

Markus brushed Simon’s bangs from his forehead, smiling as Simon seemed to relax slightly at his touch. Strong and selfless as he tried to be, Simon was the most touch-starved person Markus had ever met. So Markus couldn’t even begin to imagine how difficult it was for Simon to send him away… And with how Daniel talked, that probably only made it harder. Apparently he’d thought he was coaching Simon on how to help some imaginary friend--Matt, or something…? Markus didn’t quite understand that part-- but not knowing that the newly-bitten in question was actually Simon, even Daniel admitted he probably should’ve been more sensitive about the way he’d worded things… 

“My Simon… I’m here now… I’ve got you… You’re not alone anymore, okay, love…? I’ve got you…”

Simon whimpered, twitching slightly in Markus’ arms. 

“Shhh… Shhh… You’re going to be just fine, Si… Rest as much as you need… No rush to get up…”

Markus stroked Simon’s cheek, as slowly he opened his eyes, tired, confused, and in a great deal of pain…

“I-I don’t… don’t remember…? When did you get here…?”

“Not long ago. I was so worried when you weren’t answering my calls, and when I finally got here you were passed out… You must’ve been unconscious for at least ten minutes or so… But it’s good. Very very good… Because Daniel says that was the hardest part you’ve just gotten through, and now you’ve gotten a bit of rest, conserved a bit of energy… Plus now I’m here… I’m here, and you can’t send me away…”

Simon grimaced. Everything hurt, and nothing was making sense… He was unconscious…? Daniel…? Daniel was… Daniel had told him about…? That’s why it hurt! He--he was dying! Or worse, he was turning into something bad! Something that could hurt people! 

“N-no… You--you should go… I… don’t feel like myself…? I feel… wrong… Like I’m already wrong…? I don’t want you to get hurt!”

“No, love… You’re not wrong… You just look a little different, that’s all… You’re still Simon. My Simon… I know you’d never hurt me… But right now, you’re hurting… And I want to be here for you, to help in any way I can…”

Simon moved to try and bring himself closer to Markus, only to fall forward, practically knocking Markus flat on his back. 

“I-I’m sorry…? I don’t know what… I don’t--don’t--?”

Simon’s hands burned as he tried to lift himself from the ground. Like while he was unconscious someone had lit them on fire, melting the skin until the digits fused together, thick blisters forming on the sensitive skin of his palms. Reflexively, he pulled away from the ground, keeping his balance only because, this time, Markus was ready to catch him. 

“I-I… I think I burnt myself…? Markus, why--You spoke to Daniel, right…?”

“I spoke to Daniel, yeah… Why…? Where did you burn yourself…?”

“My hands…? I-I think it’s third degree… Is that supposed to happen…?”

“That’s okay… Don’t we have some antiseptic in the medicine cabinet…? Let’s see what we’re dealing with here…”

Markus took Simon’s hand in his own, palm up, to find that… it… looked burnt…Or if not burnt, then… wrong… Blisters or calluses or--pads--Pads beginning to form as the outer layers of skin separated from the skin underneath at each digit. That… made more sense… 

“I don’t think you’ve burnt yourself… I think your hands… You… Your hands are… ummm… Becoming…?”

“...yeah…? Oh… O-okay… Okay… I-I didn’t expect to… to wake up to that.. or to wake up dizzy…? And… weird… Y-you said I was out for ten minutes…? D-do you think I wasn’t breathing that whole time…? Do you think I-I’ve… Do I have brain damage…? Markus, h-how would we--Do you think--”

“I don’t think you’d be able to articulate yourself so well if you’ve sustained brain damage like that, Si… But Daniel mentioned all sorts of science stuff about werewolves I didn’t quite understand, and apparently it’s the last bit… He said it’s disorienting… Tail, skull, and spine all sort of… I forget all the words he used, I’m sorry, but-- He said from what he’s seen, it’ll be best if you just try to lie still, and maybe try to rest…”

Simon winced. He… had a feeling he knew where this was going… 

“You’ll let me know when I’m dying, right…? I… want to know… Want to be looking at you for my last--”

“You’re not dying, Si! You’re just... going to need your rest for the next hour or so… But it looks like you’ve already set up for that here… Pillows and blankets and a boyfriend to cuddle… Here, would you like some water now that you’re awake…?”

Markus uncapped a water bottle for Simon, and held it to his lips. Gratefully, Simon downed half the bottle in a matter of seconds, before Markus could pull it away. 

“Slowly, Si! You’re becoming a werewolf, not a were-fish!”

“S-sorry… I just… Didn’t realize how thirsty I was…”

“You’re very thirsty… And you’re probably a bit parched too… But the water’s not going anywhere if you take your time…”

“ _You’re_ thirsty…” Simon shot back between sips, as he finished off the bottle. 

“Yeah… No… I doubt you could get the double entendre there if you had brain damage or whatever… You have the Markus seal of approval. Clean bill of health…”

Markus winced. He knew that even if Simon was fine now, there was still a lot that could go wrong… But Simon needed reassurance, Markus could see it in his face. And Markus was here for Simon. His own feelings could wait. He could let Simon know how scared he’d been as much as he wanted in a few hours, but right now, he had to keep it together… 

With Markus here, Simon did feel slightly stronger… At least, if he died, now he wouldn’t die alone… And there was something comforting about Markus’ presence… As it had started to feel like each of the vertebra in his spine were trying to pull away and escape from his body, his jaw stretching like he’d imagined the victim of a medieval torturer on a rack, he was definitely scared, and his eyes welled up with tears from the pain, but the fear wasn’t so cutting as he knew it should have been. At least not until he heard something starting to crack. 

It was like something had broken inside him releasing all the anxiety he’d known he should’ve been feeling. A piñata of panic, as more painful cracks tore through his body. He couldn’t even think to form the words to ask Markus what was happening, his ability to speak limited entirely a high-pitched whine. Worse yet, he could feel Markus tense at the sound, as if Markus were as afraid as he was. Markus was his strength; Markus couldn’t be afraid! Was this the moment where he started to die…? It did feel like his whole torso was coming apart. H-he didn’t want to come apart!

“I-I changed my mind! I-I-- Don’t tell me I’m dying! D-don’t tell me I’m dying; I-I don’t want to die! Make it stop…? M-markus! You-you’ve gotta make it stop! I-I don’t--“

“Y-you’re not dying… You’re not dying… You’re not…”

Simon knew Markus’ voice… The response he got was automatic and foreign. Like he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to reassure Simon… 

“P-please! M-markus, it _hurts_! I-I’m not ready to die! I-I can’t! I-I can’t breathe! I’m falling apart! H-help me! P-please help me!”

He could hear Markus crying, but that was as much of a response as he got. And the pain was growing worse, until he realized he couldn’t feel his legs. His body was shutting down on him, and he didn’t know what to do! He was trapped, a helpless spectator forced to watch as he lost more and more of himself until the last remaining spark of life within him would fizzle out completely. 

“Simon, you’re… You’re going to be okay… You just need to be still… Y-yes, you just need to lie still and calm down… I know it hurts, and I know you’re scared, but you have to stop thrashing around like this…” Markus tried to pull himself together, if only for Simon’s sake. 

“I-I’m not doing anything! I-I’m just dying! I’m dying and--and--“

Right… Simon was freaking out. And Markus knew that if Simon kept freaking out like this, there was a good chance he wouldn’t make it through this part in one piece. So he had to keep it together, and help keep Simon calm. 

“No, love. You’re not dying. I won’t let you die. You’ve been so brave, but we’re going to need you to keep it up for a little while longer… A little over a half hour left. I know you can make it. So can you try to relax for me…? Just a little…?”

Simon whimpered. Markus did sound more self-assured, which was a good sign, but… Did he mean it…? Simon’s heart was pounding hard enough to rattle his ribs in his chest. He didn’t know anything anymore except that it hurt, and he was tired. 

“Simon… Look at me… I mean it. You are fine…”

This time, Markus managed to fake a more convincing look of confidence, and Simon softened slightly. 

“...I-I’m sorry… it just… hurts… A-and I don’t know what’s happening… And D-Daniel-- Daniel said--”

“Shhh… I know what Daniel said. I spoke to him too, Si…. But I know you. You’re fine… Trust me on this, okay…?”

“T-there’s something wrong with my legs… I-I think I can’t feel them, b-but… it hurts… A-and I don’t think--” 

Before Simon could finish his sentence, he couldn’t. Like he physically couldn’t finish it because he couldn’t move his jaw to speak. It felt like someone had set a drill to his skull, shattering his face into a million pieces, except he knew there was no drill. He was just coming undone. 

“Shhh shhh… Easy, Si… You’re okay… You’re okay…”

Simon wouldn’t have even noticed he was shouting if Markus hadn’t called his attention to the fact. But he couldn’t stop screaming any more than he could tell Markus that this was definitely where he died. And it was worse than he’d imagined, and Markus was here but he couldn’t even know because Simon couldn’t say anything because his fucking face was coming undone! He could just picture his bones breaking apart into too many pieces, free-floating around in the muscles and sinews of his mandible. The jagged edges stabbing, digging, blood pooling beneath the subcutaneous fat as the pierced through his skin in an attempt to join back together to form a single bone where bone was not meant to be. He’d be a monster of monsters, wrong even by freak-of-nature standards. And dead. Not to mention dead. A dead broken thing. But how much longer would he have to suffer like this until then…? 

“It got worse…? Is that it, Si…? You--you’re crying… What can I do…?”

Simon wasn’t sure. He just… He wanted this to stop. He _needed_ this to stop. He couldn’t do it anymore… He was too tired… And it was all too much… If he could just speak, he’d tell Markus. He wasn’t strong enough. He couldn’t survive this. He’d known he couldn’t from the start. 

“What do you need, love…? Where does it hurt most…?”

He--he didn’t know… He didn’t know, and he could see fear again in Markus’ eyes, but it was fading. He couldn’t see Markus! He couldn’t see at all! Shouts turned to screams as a panic took hold, fierce enough to overshadow the pain. He couldn’t see! He couldn’t see and he couldn’t speak and he couldn’t move and he couldn’t breathe! He couldn’t breathe! He couldn’t breathe! He couldn’t…

Markus thought that Simon crying out in pain like that was the worst thing he could ever hear. Then he heard Simon stop. And that. _That_ was the worst thing he could ever hear. Screams growing strained, feeble until they quickly died out. Heavy breathing going quiet. A body going limp. Markus was afraid to call his name. Schrödinger’s cat. As long as he didn’t call Simon’s name, then Simon couldn’t be dead. Simon was just… quiet… Unconscious… Sleeping… Yes, this was the perfect time and place to take a nap, and there was no reason to do anything about it. He could let Simon nap and Simon would wake up because he couldn’t be dead unless Markus called his name. 

Markus physically held his breath to keep from calling Simon’s name, as he could see his love, still sleeping or dea--something else… Even as Simon was something else, his face was changing… Shifting like under the skin there was something alive, wriggling around, trying to break free. As a soft layer of peach fuzz began to form along his skin, Markus started to notice the more canine features about Simon. Granted, since Markus had gotten here, Simon hadn’t looked like himself, but now, he was starting to look like something… His jaw was beginning to jut out like something akin to a muzzle, his teeth larger, sharper, his nose less structurally pronounced, more visible by the darkening pigment. 

Then Markus caught a whimper as Simon shivered slightly in his arms. So he was still alive… He really had just passed out. But did that mean he was too tired now…? Would he still be okay…? Markus covered didn’t risk moving Simon like this, but he did take the blanket and wrap it around Simon’s body. The shivering stilled shortly after, much to Markus’ relief. Markus lightly stroked the back of Simon’s head trying to cut some of the tension about him as it seemed Simon was nearing the end of things… If he hadn’t known better, it might have seemed more like petting a large dog than caressing his boyfriend. He’d expected werewolf fur to be sort of wiry and scratchy, but Simon felt surprisingly fluffy.


	7. Fluff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Markus and Simon are soft boys.

Markus knew the transformation was complete when Simon all but melted into him, nestling into his hands, his tail thumping lazily against the ground. It was almost funny, actually, but Simon didn’t really look like a wolf. His fur was a similar shade to his hair, and incredibly soft. Plus he hadn’t lost the personable air about him in his true form… Effectively, he looked like an oversized puppy… Maybe like a Golden Retriever Samoyed mix or something…? Whatever he looked like, it was cute, and definitely Simon. 

Markus scooped Simon up from the ground and carried him to bed, somewhat amused at how Simon’s fur tickled against his face. Simon made a little sleepy blep as Markus placed him onto their bed, and Markus couldn’t help but laugh at how concerned Simon had been that he might turn into some dangerous monster. Maybe dangerously adorable, sure, but only in the sense that he was so fuzzy that Markus wanted to bash his own face into a wall just to offset some of the sweetness. Stupid with exhaustion, both emotional and physical, Markus slipped under the covers, cuddling into Simon like a life-sized teddy bear and quickly drifting off to sleep. 

Simon woke up feeling surprisingly well rested, if a bit confused. He wasn’t sure how he’d gotten to bed, or what had happened the night before… He remembered pain… Markus was there, and then… He thought he’d died… But he didn’t remember anything after that… Looking down at himself, he didn’t recognize what he saw… He must have survived the transformation somehow, but… Where was Markus…? Had he hurt Markus after all? Or worse, had he killed him?!? Simon needed to find Markus. Needed to see if he was okay, or if he needed help, or whatever he could do to make sure his love hadn’t died simply because he was too weak to even remember what he’d fucking done! 

Scrambling to get off the bed, Simon awkwardly fell face-first onto the ground below. Right… He wasn’t bipedal anymore… Not like this anyway… That would be an inconvenience…

“Markus…? Markus are you alright…? Where are you…?”

He knew to check the basement first, since that’s where he last remembered them being, but crawling down two flights of stairs like this was unreasonably difficult. He tried walking down backwards, but he kept having to look behind himself to make sure his feet didn’t miss a step, and his tail--yes, he had a tail now-- kept getting in the way of his view… He needed to make it to the basement as quickly as possible, yet here he was limited by the same new form that very well might have killed--

“Hey Sleepyhead… I was going to make you lunch, but then I decided--”

“Markus!” Simon could feel tears of relief forming in his eyes. 

“Good morning to you too, Si. So, as I was saying, I think it’d be more fun to order waffles. Y’know the fancy kind with the sorbet on top? I’m in the mood for waffles… Unless you wanna eat like… I don’t know, raw steak, or… I’m… not really sure what werewolves eat, so I’d go by what you want, unless I can ask around, and--”

“I’m a _werewolf_!”

“Yes. I can see that… Well, more like a werepuppy, but--“

“N-no! You weren’t in bed, and I-I thought-- I didn’t remember how I got there, so I was afraid-- Y-you know what I didn’t want for to--to happen, and so… I didn’t hurt you…?”

Markus rolled his eyes.

“Well, you were a bit of a blanket hog, once I got you back into bed, but other than that… C’mon, Si, I told you you could never hurt me! You don’t even look very menacing like this… You’re a fucking puppy… North thought you look so cute, she dropped by a dog bowl for you on the way to work. Obviously she meant it as a joke, although… come to think of it, can you even sit at a table and use utensils like this…? Shit, Si, maybe it might be useful after all…”

“H-how does North know what I look like…?”

“Here… I dare you to look at these pics on my phone and tell me I’d have been able to keep myself from sharing them with our friends…”

Markus held his phone out for Simon, waiting as he examined himself on the screen. 

“I look like a dog…? I-I don’t look mean or bad or scary at all…?”

“Dude, you’re fucking adorable! Although, in fairness, I don’t think I could’ve ever pictured you as a scary snarly wolf thing to begin with… This… suits you… And hey, I did want us to get a puppy… Although I do admit I meant it more in the ‘hey let’s drive by the local shelter’ kind of way… I don’t think I ever would have expected… Well, y’know… So anyway, you still wanna eat some waffles?”

Simon smiled, laughing a little as he could feel his tail reflexively wagging at the offer. The more things changed, the more things stayed the same. 

“Always. Strawberry sorbet and extra whipped cream, please?”

“Strawberry sorbet and extra whipped cream it is..."


End file.
